Conspiracy Theory

When I was in the 3rd grade, rumors circulated around school that one of our 3rd grade teachers, Miss Komaroff, was a Russian spy. It made good sense at the time, considering that, in 1968, we were in the throes of a cold war with her home country and Miss Komaroff was, in fact, the only Russian speaking teacher in our entire school. Given that her class was all the way down at the end of the hall and around the corner from both Mrs. Shackleford and Miss VanBibber's 3rd grade classes, was, of course, further proof that she must in fact be up to something. What other possible reason could Principal Roberts have had for putting the only Russian teacher in our school in the classroom that was located, not only right next to the library (we were also suspicious of the Dewey Decimal System), but so doggone close to the principal's office as well: he too must have suspected something wasn't right.

Anyway, for the past 47 years, I've been trying like heck to solve the mystery of who started that rumor. For a while, I considered that it might have been Harvey Moreland, but gave up on that theory once I remembered that Harvey was the school champion in both the standing broad jump and in paper wad making. I decided there was no way that anyone who spent that much time handcrafting paper wads and practicing their jumping, could possibly have had enough time left over for rumor starting. But, as fate would have it, a break in the case recently surfaced, and when I was least expecting it.

In a recent conversation, the man in this picture, my long time friend "Randell", said something that suggested he might in fact have been the young lad who initiated what, over time, would become the most storied rumor in Wyman Elementary School history. Of course, he didn't just come right out and say it; it was more of an inference. There was something suspicious, if not outright sinister, in the way he said "Kom-roff" that tipped his hand. There was a slight air of contempt in the way he said her name, and it was the same air of contempt he had in his voice the summer day before 8th grade, when he informed all the Rolla Boys that Mr. Swiss had raised the price of their milk shakes by 10 cents.  

Anyway, if not for the fact that nearly a half century has passed since myself and several other Wyman school boys (and knowing what we know now, probably at least 7% of the girls) spent so much time keeping one eye on Gretchen Finley, while keeping the other eye on Miss Komaroff, I probably wouldn't be sharing this information even now, but after some light research (sorry Klietus, I know that's your area of expertise), I found out that the statute of limitations on Missouri school yard shenanigans, is actually your 14th birthday (17 in Arkansas and Mississippi). Since Randy and I both blew by that long ago, I thought it would be safe to share with the world, the details of the "Miss Komaroff Spy Conspiracy Theory". Randell, I hope you understand buddy; I'm not sayin'....I'm just sayin'.

Should any further details surface on the Kamaroff case, I'll of course keep you posted. But for now, we'll just considered this one....case closed.