Slow Down!

My bride and I recently picked up our daughter and son-in-law at the airport. We weren't familiar with this particular airport so we arrived a little early to get the lay of the land. As we followed the signs to the terminal I came around the corner and saw a flashing speed limit sign showing how fast each passing vehicle was going. It was an obvious attempt to get cars to slow down inside the airport. According to the sign we were going 22 mph and I was somewhat surprised to see the speed limit was "5": that's right 5. I immediately slowed down figuring the sign would stop flashing once I was under 20 or so (which seemed reasonable), but it didn't stop. 19, 16, 14, 11 etc. as I was thinking, "Surely it'll stop soon--at least before we've completely stopped. It kept flashing 9, 8, 7 and then finally it stopped when I got it down to 5. I told Sue, "Seriously, 5...did I see that sign right, did it really say 5?" She confirmed I wasn't seeing things: it said 5. I told her, "They must really be serious about this 5 mile an hour speed limit--I don't think I've ever seen a 5 mile per hour speed limit sign, and if I have I bet it wasn't flashing. I've seen flashing mph signs in highway work zones where the speed limit is 50 or 60, but never 5 that I can recall. 5 seemed out there to me.

Once I got our rig "fully under control" I realized how difficult it is to keep a motor vehicle at 5 mph or less. Without even trying I was quickly back up over the limit and I nearly had to keep my foot on the break to stay at 5 or even in the vicinity of 5. I looked at Sue and said, "I don't think I've ever tried to intentionally go 5 miles an hour. I figured I better keep it at the limit, as I wasn't sure how stiff the fines for speeding might be in this particular locality. 

As we very slowly crept around the corner, "I'll be danged"....there was a police car sitting there. Apparently the TSA had set up a speed trap inside the airport. The cop who occupied the cruiser was looking at us through dark sunglasses, as if he were daring us to go over the speed limit. I told Sue, "I wonder how far over the speed limit we'd have to be going before this guy hit the lights and started pursing us in a low speed chase?" I said to her, "I wonder if we got stopped by this police officer would it go like this:

Cop: Good afternoon sir, could I see your license and registration please?

Me: Yes officer, what seems to be the problem?

Cop: Well uh Mrrrrrrrrr.....Robertson?

Me: Yes sir....

Cop: ...are you aware there's a posted speed limit inside the airport sir?

Me: Yes sir, I saw the sign about 3 minutes ago, around 75 feet back.

Cop: Did you happen to make note of the limit sir?

Me: Yes officer, I believe it's around 5.

Cop: Actually Mr. Robertson, it's not "around" 5, it IS 5.

Me: Oh.

Cop: Mr. Robertson, do you have any idea how fast you were going?

Me: Well, as soon as I saw you I looked down at the speedometer and I believe I was going right at 6.

Cop: Actually Mr. Robertson, I clocked you at 7!

Me: Uh, 7?

Cop: Thats right 7.

Me: I'm so embarrassed officer: I had absolutely no idea I was going that fast.

Cop: Actually sir, the gun said 7.3, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and we'll just call it 7.

Me: Uh, thank you sir?

Cop: (looking over at my bride) Good afternoon ma'am, are you Mrs. Robertson?

My bride: (with a nervous quiver in her voice) Yes sir, I-I am.

Cop: Mr. Robertson, may I ask what's the big hurry?

Me: Well uh, I uh, I mean we...my wife Sparkles and I were just....I mean...our daughter and her husband, Stinger, are due in on one of the next flights and we're here to pick them up.

Cop: Well Mr. Robertson (looking at my bride), Mrs. Robertson, I'm sure your daughter and son-in-law would like you to arrive at the terminal ALIVE, so I think all of us would really appreciate it if you'd slow it down a little bit--we want you to get there in one piece. 

Sue and I in unison: Yes sir, absolutely sir!

Cop: If you give me your word you'll keep it at the speed limit, I'll let you off this time with a warning.

Me: Yes officer....absolutely!

As Sue and I were actually laughing out loud at the prospects of this scenario, I must have taken my foot off the accelerator because an old truck being driven by a guy who looked like he must be at least 90 years old, blew by us like we were standing still. I looked at Sue and said, "Did you see that guy...he had to be going at least 8!