Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Seekonk Adventure

Sue and I are getting ready to head home after 5 fun filled days in the North East. We went with our great friends Scott and Kim to attend Scott's family reunion in Seekonk, Massachusetts. Scott's mother Judy and her man Art were gracious hostess and host and we had a fun time meeting their extended families and touring the greater Seekonk area. Scott showed us the vast majority of his old stomping grounds, however, he didn't have time to show us where he attended band camp or kissed his first girl (he thinks it was a girl).
We spent 24 hours in Boston with Scott, Kim, Max, Courtney & Cole and Zack & Ashley, and while there attended a Red Sox game at storied Fenway Park (I now know why Fenway has the reputation it does and discovered you have to actually go there to understand it).
Boston is one of the most outstanding places I've ever visited and Sue and I are already planning a return trip. It was a nice little adventure.

Lesson confirmed this past week: when good friends invite you to attend their family reunion or some similar family event, of which you technically have no business being at, don't over think it-just say yes and go. It was one of the funnest 5 days we've ever had!

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Measure of a Man

~Our Dad circa 1962
What does it mean to be a man?
My two brothers and I were fortunate to grow up in a family with a Mom and Dad who loved and respected each other and who loved and cared for us. I don't recall my Mom and Dad encouraging us toward achieving greatness or seeking world fame and fortune. I think they had expectations for each of us that were higher than that.
Our parents expected us to do things like respect our elders; always tell the truth; obey the laws; drive safely; to not talk back to our teachers; to finish high school, and either go to college, get a job, or join the military. I'm confident they hoped we wouldn't get a girl pregnant out of wed lock, would stay away from drugs and alcohol, and for sure expected us to never do anything that would result in getting ourselves arrested. The bottom line is, they expected us to give a good effort toward the things that matter, treat people right, and be productive citizens. They didn't just hope for that--they expected it and we knew it.

Our Dad wasn't the kind of dad who routinely sat us down to share his philosophy on life. He didn't spend a lot of time lecturing us on what we should and should not do, nor was he much on giving speeches at family gatherings. Our Dad taught his sons how to be men through his actions more so than through his words. He taught us through visual example, what a man looks like and how a man behaves. And not just on Sundays but every day of the week. He must have known we'd be watching.

I was fortunate to have some other good men around me as I grew up, but I learned most of the real critical stuff about being a man from our Dad. I'm not just talking about how to swing a hammer, shoot a gun, cut a board or make a jig (inside story), although he taught us those things too. I'm referring to the important things we learned by watching our Dad all those years. My brother's and I learned how a man is supposed to treat his wife and what it means to be respectful of women. Let me explain:

In the fall of 1973, my then 16 year old brother "Ace" and I decided to go duck hunting. The spot we chose was over a mile away from our house through the heavily forested oak and hickory woods of the Ozark hills. It was called Bray's Lake, but the local boys knew it simply as Bray's.
It was also deer season and Ace had taken along a few slugs for the old bolt action 12 gauage Dad had traded off Paul Mesplay several years earlier-a guy Dad worked with for years at the Rolla post office.
As we neared the back waters of Bray's, we walked up on 3 deer about 50 yards away. The wind was blowing hard toward us and apparently the deer didn't hear our approach. I'll fast forward in the interest of your time.....

Shortly after my announcement of the return of the prodigal son, Ace arrived home proudly with his prized deer thrown up over his shoulders. Our mutual excitement lasted only as long as it took our mutual parents to discover their eldest son (assisted by their middle son) had illegally harvested a female deer instead of a buck: a buck would have been legal-a doe was not. Needless to say, the overall atmosphere of joy and enthusiasm took an abrupt turn: "What were you thinking"; "What the Sam Hill"; "If this gets out I'll probably go to jail", and finally, "Don't you ever do that again!"

Well, after the dust had settled and my dad had left the room, Mom apparently felt the need to express one last time how she didn't want her eldest son Larry to "ever do that again!"She did and without giving it much thought, Larry shouted back "I WON'T!" Well, to my brother's surprise, Dad walked around the corner at the precise time he'd shouted his response to Mom. Here's where the lesson came in:
In less time that it takes a young cat to pounce on an old mouse, Dad grabbed my fully grown 6 foot tall 180 pound brother up off the ground, pushed him up against the kitchen cabinets (Dad never once mis-treated us or used unreasonable force-he also never bluffed when he said he was going to do something...not once that I remember) and said very firmly and with no room for mis-interpretation, "Don't you ever raise your voice to your Mother--ever!" The next thing my brother knew he was lying belly down over our Dad's knee getting his 16 year old behind "tanned" in what would be the last behind tanning to ever take place in our Rural Route 1 household, as far as I know.

When Dad was done giving his famous black leather belt one last workout (it actually didn't get used very often and when it did Dad didn't swing it all that hard-something I wouldn't fully appreciate until years later when I became a father myself), my brother stood up with as I recall somewhat of a dazed look on his face. Standing toe to toe with my big brother, Dad looked him square in the eye and said very firmly, "I don't care how old you are or how big you get, if you ever talk to your Mother like again I'll whip your behind...do you understand me son?!"

All these years later I can still clearly remember standing there in the living room doorway while that entire operation went down. I recall the look on my brother's face. I remember the pause after Dad stopped talking, and I remember, thinking, "Larry, you'd better say the right thing this time".
Well, my big brother's better judgement kicked in and he responded with what must have been very close to what Dad was looking for, because as quickly as it had started it was over: lesson learned.
Dad told us years later that when he turned Larry over his knee, he thought to himself "Lord don't let this boy turn on me now-he's big enough and strong enough to whip my butt if he decides to!").

As I looked back on this now famous Robertson family episode, I've realized something profound: there in our kitchen on that late fall day in 1973, our Dad explained to his sons on no uncertain terms, his expectation regarding how a young man is supposed to respect his mother. He taught us how it's a man's responsibility to always stand up for his wife or his mother or his daughter. He confirmed beyond a doubt that a man's actions speak louder than his words. He showed us that when circumstances arise calling a man to action, you rise to the occasion. And perhaps most importantly, he taught his impressionable sons that being a man doesn't have nearly as much to do with what you say, as it does with what you do.

Thanks Dad for setting a great example all those years and teaching us what it is to be a man. You guessed right...we were watching.

Happy Fathers Day!

The Rest of The Story

I heard yesterday that some gal named Crystal had decided at the last minute to NOT marry Hugh Hefner. I thought, "Now why would anyone not want to marry Hugh Hefner?". I'm a heterosexual 51 year old man, and if I wasn't already happily married, I might even marry Hugh Hefner.
As you're probably aware, Hugh Hefner is the guy who started Playboy magazine. The only time we ever hear anything about Hugh is on the anniversary of the founding of Play Boy magazine, and usually in 5 year increments (like 25, 40, 50 and so on). I have no idea when Play Boy was founded but on the anniversary they always show Hugh at the Play Boy mansion lying around the swimming pool with a bevy of Play Boy babes scantily clad in swim thongs, sipping mai-tai's and hanging all over Hugh like he's some sort of Greek God. It used to make Hugh look pretty cool, but the older I get the more it seems to just make him look like a dirty old man (not that there's anything wrong with being a dirty old man if you can pull it off).
The thing that caught my ear when I heard Crystal (25 years old) had decided in the eleventh hour to NOT marry Ol' Hugh (who's 86 years old) was, when the news anchor said, "there was no reason given".
Confident it had nothing to do with the fact that this girl (who's only 1 year older than my daughter) finally woke up and realized that although very wealthy, Hugh was nearly 3 1/2 times older than she is, I decided to do a little investigative reporting.
I tracked Crystal down on facebook and just flat out asked her why she decided not to marry Hugh. Just as I suspected, she confirmed that her decision to back out of the marriage to the founder of Play Boy, had NOTHING to do with the fact that her future husband was nearly 3 1/2 times older than her. She decided to back out of the marriage because she finally realized old Hugh was 15 years older.....than her grandpa.
And now you know the rest of the story.

Friday, June 10, 2011

You don't get old being a fool

My Uncle Pat died a few years ago at the age of 92. There's an old saying that you don't get old being a fool. Uncle Pat was a testament to that.
He was a prolific reader and largely a self taught man. According to my cousin Vic, it wasn't uncommon for Uncle Pat to read a book a day. Although Uncle Pat didn't say a lot, when he did, you listened. He was the Merrill Lynch of our family. The only extravagant thing Uncle Pat and Aunt Katherine ever did as far as I know, was buy a new Buick every couple of years, whether they needed it or not. Other than that, they kept things pretty simple (for example, they lived in the same 1000 square foot house for over 50 years).
The one thing Uncle Pat was always concerned about, was the fear of living through another economic depression. He lived through the first one and apparently didn't like it. He always told my Dad, that to protect yourself against going hungry in the event of a repeat of 1929, you needed to own things of "real value" as apposed to stocks and bonds. Stocks aren't worth much if the entity behind the stock goes out of business and bonds are only good for starting a camp fire if the issuer of the bond can't pay you back for the money you loaned them (paraphrasing here-I wasn't privy to the actual conversations).
Bottom line: I think he was right. I also sense strongly that our country is not going to be able to print it's way out of debt. I'm no financial genius but the fact that our country has over $14 trillion in debt and has, for years now, been spending more than they take in, points to a financial disaster the likes of which none of us has ever seen. I don't normally buy into the prognostications of those who preach doom and gloom. I'm actually not buying into it now. But on a common sense level, I don't see anything related to our economy that tells me things are going to get better, without making radicle changes to the way we do business as a nation.
If for the past several years, you've been spending substantially more than you earn (government spending versus tax revenue); if you have racked up more debt than you could ever possibly pay back (14 trillion and growing by the second-no possible way to ever pay this off) and if you don't have a way of generating an income above your current pay check (the maximum amount you can tax the people is 100%), then at some point you're going belly up. And if you go belly up, it will be years before anyone is ever going to take you at your word that you'll pay them back if they'll loan you money like they used to back before you went belly up eg: China and other countries buying US Treasury Notes and similar debt instruments from our government on the hopes that they'll eventually get their money back.
I think we'd all be wise to focus on paying off what ever debt we might have, and while we're doing that, learn to live on less than we make. We might also be well served to think about how we're going to buy groceries if the value of our currency continues to decline, to the potential point of being worthless. They don't call that a depression-they call it a total financial collapse (just like personal bankruptcy-only worse).
Whether or not things get better or keep getting worse, it looks like Uncle Pat was right; we need to own things that have an actual value, so we're never in a position of having to stand in a soup line or live in an old bus.
Thanks Uncle Pat for passing along your wisdom. You didn't get old being a fool!

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Weiner Wows

Is there no limit to the ridiculous things our elected officials will do. I'm sure there must be at least a few of these folks who aren't complete Goobers, but all signs point to the apparent fact that most of them are just not very smart.
I've told our kids ever since they were little, that the only thing they'll ever have that can't be "taken" from them, is their integrity. Anthony Weiner, the congressman from New York, is saying he "will not resign" his position as a United States Congressman. It's hard to imagine how anyone could have that much arrogance in the face of having put themselves in such a humiliating situation. I've thought it over and the only thing I can come up with regarding his motivation for not stepping down and running for the hills is: he has nothing left to lose.

Monday, June 6, 2011

Set Me Straight

I received some very direct and straightforward communication from a friend I hold in very high regard, concerning my previous post, "Don't forget the Circus Little People".
This friend shared their view on the overall subject of sexual orientation. That individual was completely respectful to me but let me know on straightforward terms how they felt about the blog in question. For clarification, in the post "Don't forget the Circus Little People", I was expressing my disdain for the people who are leading our government who consistently and continually spend their time and our money focussing on things that are not critical to all Americans. I don't ever want to be disrespectful or hurtful to anyone (and I'm sincere on this). I've actually changed my view substantially on the subject of sexual orientation over the last few years. I don't have a problem with individuals who are gay or for that matter, with the gay community as a whole. The thing I have a huge issue with (I hope we all do), is the fact that the leaders of our government too often focus on things that affect relatively small groups of folks or special interest groups. Here's a list of things that affect all Americans, regardless of color, height, sexual orientation, age, gender, political affiliation, fiscal views and so on:

-The 2 wars we're fighting
-The economy
-The +14 trillion dollar debt that's growing daily
-The fact that our government is "broke" and continues spending dramatically more than they're takin in
-The border problem between America and Mexico (not to mention the drug problem)
-Rampent inflation (check the prices on stuff you buy all the time at your favorite stores and compare them to what you paid 2 years ago)
-Our lackluster educational system, and the list goes on and on

I really don't want to spend any of my time writing about this stuff (I'd rather write about 'The Rolla Boys' or make fun of celebrities) and you don't want to spend your time reading it. The one thing I bet all of us agree on is, the boys and girls on the hill need to fix the huge things that affect us all, before they spend their time and our money on things that primarily affect individual groups.
For the record, I don't feel even the Boy Scouts deserve any special considerations until our elected Goobers can at least figure out how to not spend more money than they take in.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Don't forget the Circus Little People

In light of the obvious fact that our President, his administration and the vast majority of his followers don't want any group, regardless of overall size, to feel less than fully appreciated (remember-he declared June "GLBT" month-or something very close to that), I have an idea I think he and his administration will be able to get behind: lets dedicate the entire month of July to Circus Midgets!
Now please don't get me wrong-I have absolutely nothing against Circus Midgets (although I must be forthcoming that as a young child the fear of one living under my bed did give me nightmares on more than one occasion). I also have absolutely nothing against anyone who feels they fall into the category of GLB or T-especially the G's, L's and T's (I have to admit here I just can't relate in any way shape of form to the B's-that's just flat weird and twisted in my book). I just think it's ridiculous that we have become so overly concerned about everyones individual feelings (everyone except Christians, Jews, supporters of the 2nd amendment, pro-lifers, people with common sense, capitalist, heterosexuals (especially if your white) people against big and far reaching government, and anyone else who doesn't fall into any of the myriad official minority groups, just to name a few).
We need to grow back up and be more like the people Tom Brokaw refers to as "The Greatest Generation". We need to try real hard to limit the ridiculous things we do and declare. We need to allow people to feel good/bad about themselves all on their own, without interference from our elected officials. We need to stop being a bunch of babies. If all the adults continue to be "ascared" of so many silly things, who's going to raise all these kids-the T's (not that there's anything wrong with that)?

PS. Spank me-just don't forget to call me for supper!

Saturday, June 4, 2011

What's in a name.

When I first read about the Congressman Anthony Weiner debacle, I thought to myself, "Surely this cannot be true: you'd have to have a major screw loose to take a picture like that of yourself and store it on your smart phone (unless your name is Lenny and you're like 13). Surely no member of the United States Congress is that naive: that ignorant.

Then the report went on to claim (and later confirm) the picture in question was sent to a 21 year old female college student...a 21 year old! One of the individuals who had been elected to the United States Congress by the people of the great state of New York, took a picture of himself naked and texted it to a 21 year old college co-ed: ARE YOU SERIOUS!

The side fact that this guy's last name is Weiner, confirmed that aside from having the judgement of a 13 year old boy, he is apparently a glutton for punishment if not a complete and utter sadomasicist. And while none of this is against the law as far as I know, we should all ask ourselves, "How do we continue electing these kinds of folks to run our country?" I can understand why someone of this caliber might be hired to appear on certain TV shows like Jerry Springer or Oprah, but Congress...seriously!
Where are guys and gals like Paul Harvey and Barbara Bush when you need them.

Friday, June 3, 2011

WWFDRD?

When I read this morning that President Obama had declared June, "Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual &  Transgender Pride Month", I was not surprised (I bet you thought I was going to say I was surprised). I was not surprised because of the results of the "comparative greatness test" I give our Presidents now and then. It goes like this:

Compared to previous presidents who history shows overall as having done a good job, how's our current one doing? Specifically, I ask questions like, "What would George, Abe, Franklin, Harry or Dwight have done? Imagine the below scenario:

Time: 7:15 a.m.
Date: May 15, 1942
Place: Oval Office

President Roosevelt has been sitting at his desk since 3:15 that morning. He sits in his wheel chair going through stacks of paper and intellegence reports containing the latest information on the war in Euorope and the war in the Pacific. He hasn't slept well in over 5 years-ever since reports began coming in about a lunitic in Germany who was massing a vast army of killing drones and buying up large quantities of tattoo ink. In walks Vice President Harry Truman and chief of staff Groucho Marks (I don't know who FDR's chief of staff was in May, 1942, so I'll go with Groucho).

Truman: "Mr. President, Groucho has a declaration here he'd like you to sign. One of the California Reps came up with it and Groucho thinks it's a good idea. He needs your signature this morning so the ladies at Flag-Mart will have time to make up the necessary quantity of flags."
FDR: "Alright, but make it fast-we've got a couple of wars we're trying to fight here and a lot more people could die if I'm not able to stay focussed on things that really matter."
Truman: "OK Groucho, make it fast."
Groucho: Placing a document on the Presidents desk, next to his huge stack of critical reports says, "Just sign right here Mr. President and we'll make this thing happen!"
FDR: After reading the proclamation with a befuddled look on his face, the President ask; "What the hell is a 'transgender'? You know I'm well aware of what a lesbian is and I have a feeling what bisexual might mean, but what in the name of General George S. Patton is a transgender!"
Groucho: "Well Mr. President, that's a man who wants to be a woman or a woman who wants to be a man."
FDR: "Assuming your not $&#*ing with me here, and I hope you are, you want me to set aside the entire month of June to 'celebrate' a group of people who, regardless of how I might feel about it personally, must surely comprise a miniscule percentage of the overall population. And assuming I thought this was a great idea, and I don't, wouldn't it make more sense to dedicate the month of June to, oh, I don't know, maybe people who have never been convicted of a felony, or have never abused a child, or all the folks who are not addicted to illegal drugs, or who immigrated to our country legally. How about a week to honor parents who always know where their kids are and what they're up to, or men who have never been unfaithful to their wives, or wives who are always faithful to their husbands. I know, how about we honor bank tellers who call you by name, or store clerks who count back change, or companies that make products in America even though it would be cheaper to make them outside the US, or news anchors who just report the news instead of giving you their personal spin on everything, or newspapers who get most of the facts right, or maybe toddlers who stop pooping their pants once they realize it's not a good idea to run around with poop in their pants, or Boy Scouts who help little old ladies across the street and promise to do their duty, or lawyers who will only represent people who tell the truth or maybe dogs: you know, man's best friend. Hey, maybe we should have a month for circus midgets....now there's a group of under appreciated folks who deserve a month. Crap, why not give Circus Midgets 2 months? Are you stinking kidding me Groucho...you stupid Jackass!".

I could go on but you probably get the point by now.

In 1914, President Woodrow Wilson signed a proclamation that would dedicate 1 day each year to honor mothers. In 2011, President Barack Obama signed a proclamation that dedicates an entire month to honor and celebrate a relatively small group of people because of their sexual orientation.
When President Wilson declared Mother's Day official in the Spring of 1914, we were only days away from the official beginning of World War I.
As President Obama declared June "Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Pride Month", we're fighting at least 2 wars, are in the middle of the greatest economic depression since the 30's, and are being governed by a group of boys and girls who have us, the hard working tax payers, in debt to the tune of over 14 trillion dollars-soon to be over 16 trillion.

If someone in FDR's administration would have ask him to sign a "GLBT Pride Month" declaration in the summer of 1942, I wonder what he would have done?

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

It doesn't take an expert

We are in dire economic times and you don't have to be Allen Greenspan or Ben Bernanke to figure it out. Unless these 2 guys are complete and total financial goobers, they, along with the other so called experts on the economy, know we are no longer headed down the road to financial distruction as a Nation-we're at the end of the road. I'm no expert, but I have a strong gut feeling we're going to have a repeat of what happened in 2008 when the finacial snot hit the proverbial fan. Only this time, our government won't be able to borrow money from our friends in China and hand it out to the citizenry fast enough to stave off the inevitable overall financial correction that surly must take place before we can get our overall financial house in order as a nation. More banks will have to fail, more huge and poorly managed companies will have to go out of business, and more individual Americans will have to rely on their generous neighbors to feed and house them until they can find another job. Those who wait around for their state and federal governments to bail them out, will be waiting for a night in shining armor who doesn't exist.
Lastly, if you're thinking about borrowing money for something you don't actually need, you might be better off trying to enjoy life with the things you already have. Borrowing money to buy something you don't need when there's a possibility you soon may no longer have the means to make the payments, must surly feel like entering a beauty contest, when you know you're ugly--in the long run, your chances of winning are slim.