Step 5-How to get fatter than you ever thought possible!

This is the Fifth installment in the series, "How to get fatter than you ever thought possible!"

Step 5:
Maintain a positive attitude my friend! Getting fat takes time and good things come to those who wait. No one goes to bed a trim 142 and wakes up in the morning a bloated 385. I've been working at getting fat all my life and though I've so far made it only to about 185, I consider myself a work in progress. When I graduated high school nearly 32 years ago, I weighed about 160. Some of you may be thinking, "LOSER", but I'm looking at the bright side-that's an increase of over 13%!
I know I have a ways to go before I'm ready to star on the apparent hit TV show, "The worlds biggest Loser", but staying positive about the possibilities of gaining huge amounts of weight gives me a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
So, eat everything you can get your hands on and stay positive. You might even consider adopting as your personal mantra, "Every day, in every way, I'm getting fatter and fatter!"
Remember, when it comes to getting fatter than you ever thought possible, there is no substitute for a positive attitude (with the possible exception of a dozen glazed donuts from Krispy Cream and a half gallon of Braum's whole milk every night just before bed time-you can't go no better)!